I sit down to write my first article of 2023.
Much has changed.
I briefly stare out at the ocean at one of my favourite beaches here on the Sunshine Coast- Moffat Beach. A quick photo, and I move on.
It’s a lot quieter now at the beach. School’s back and most holiday makers are gone.
Belinda has gone back to full time teaching. Kurtis (my eldest) is in his final year of a Nursing degree. Elijah (2nd in line…ok, the middle child) is having another gap year working casually and planning to do a second stint at Perisher/Jindabyne this year. Joseph (the youngest), started Grade 9 today. He walked back through the door today at 3:22pm and the fridge is raided. Cricket training this afternoon.
As for me…I am alone for most of the day.
Our dog Everest followed me around hoping I would take him somewhere today. “Not in this heat mate. We will go down later to the beach.” With his head cocked at the word “beach”, he trundles back to the front door and stares waiting for the family to come home.
Our first day of school tradition is to go down the beach late afternoon, have a swim, walk, talk (now with dog in tow) and cook a sausage sizzle. If the boys behave themselves, they may even get a gelato on the way home.
Why am I alone?
I didn’t go back to work. I have taken six months long service leave.
I am alone. A little scared. Nervous. Feeling a little weird. But I am not lonely.
I have opened myself up to work out some things about myself and my future. Alone with my thoughts. Just alone.
There are things as a husband and father I desperately want to get right. I need some time to think through these things. Belinda often says, “Yeh, there are a few things you need to tweak.”
Elijah missed out on his graduation gift in 2021. An overseas trip with me. It has been planned. Japan for a week of skiing/snowboarding and a week of sightseeing in Tokyo.
Towards the end of March, a family holiday- out of school holiday season! A special place for Belinda and me- Noosa. We have holidayed and visited there as a couple numerous times. It’s where we honeymooned in 1995. It’s only just up the road now. A sweltering day in the car and fighting traffic will not happen. And don’t get me started on how much we have saved out of school holiday time!
Come to me
“Come to me.” This is what God wants to say to me. This simple phrase spoken by Jesus was given to me by my mate before I started this “alone time.”
“Enter in and abide well mate,” the text said from my mate.
I want to learn not to rush through the start of the day.
I want to learn to not rush through the day.
I often find it hard just to start the day with a simple prayer. Even a “thanks for getting me through another day/night” suffices most times.
Anne Lamott, American writer and political activist, simply prays:
“Help. Thanks. Wow.”
I want to learn to sit still and wait.
Listen.
Surrender
Thanks Bono. Great title for a book about life and faith. A challenging read thus far! Filled with a touch of confidence, arrogance, transparency, and vulnerability I expected from you as you share your journey.
I will not respond immediately but take in what God says to me. Not a time to bargain with him. Not a time to negotiate. Not a time to build a God up in my image. Not a time to follow Jesus from a distance.
To sit.
To wait.
Ready to be uncomfortable.
Ready for renewed purpose or a new purpose.
Ready for a vision.
The book of Matthew records Jesus’ words for me in 2023.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
I am not lonely.
I am never alone.
Russell Modlin is in his 30th year as a Secondary English and Physical Education Teacher. He has taught in Mackay, Brisbane, Alice Springs and currently on the Sunshine Coast. He is married to Belinda (26 years) and they have three sons- 2 have finished High School, 1 to go!
Russell Modlin’s archive of previous article can be found atwww.pressserviceinternational.org/russell-modlin.html