Sex is always a hot topic. "Sex sells!" we are told as we see scantily clad women lying on the bonnets of cars; or Kylie Jenner in her underwear, pouting at the camera, advertising her new lip kit.
Conversely, we have also been taught so much about the physical risks of sex (such as infections and diseases) that we often forget the risks are not only physical.
Obviously, the Bible frowns upon any sex outside of marriage, which often seems old-fashioned or a little backward.
Most non-Christians reject Christian rules anyway.
Casual sex has become normal. In response, churches and leaders focus on teaching abstinence to their youth and young adult groups, often with poor results.
But what if the opposite of casual sex is not a "no sex" rule? What if it's actually learning to love and value every human being the way Jesus instructs us to? (This is both harder than blindly following a rule but also somehow easier—because the focus changes)
Recently Kate Bryan wrote a much commented upon article published on a mainstream news site saying, "...chastity does mean not having sex before marriage, but it also means striving toward the perfection of love. We must all aim to love ourselves and to love others in the most perfect way possible—this is chastity in its fullness."
Real love and respect cover situations rules cannot.
My story
Because sex is fascinating, I discussed it with friends constantly as a teenager. However despite this slightly unhealthy, or perhaps completely normal (depending on who you ask), obsession with sex, I never took it lightly.
When I finally did decide to have sex, we fell deeply, irreversibly in love. At the time neither of us were Christians.
It was when I experienced this love—the proper kind of love where you want the best for another person—that the definition of risky sex changed for me.
A new risk
In health class at school we were taught about the risks of sex: sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancy, feeling pressured or regretting drunk decisions. We were taught how to manage these risks while also being taught that it was normal to have sex with many partners over your life.
Nevertheless at 18 I learnt a whole new set of dangers inherent in sex, which no teacher or teenage conversation ever covered.
I realised that this man had put his heart in my hands; and somehow, by accident I had put my heart in his.
In my grasp was the key to destroying another person's self-worth: he believed the world was a good place and I could change him forever and ruin that. I realised that I never wanted to be that person.
Any sort of unfaithfulness, promiscuity or sex outside of marriage has the potential to hurt to someone, even in this age of sexual openness and exploration.
People not rules
In the Bible, Ephesians chapter 5, verse 33 reminds us that we must love our spouses as much as we love ourselves and have respect for each other.
I don't believe in following rules, but I do believe every human deserves respect in their intimacy. Everyone needs to feel protected and safe in their sex life.
So my belief now, that sex is for marriage alone, is not because of an old-fashioned view that women should be virgins and sold to men for breeding purposes. It's not because some old book makes the rules. It's because of the knowledge that anything less than perfect love damages another person. It's because infidelity and promiscuity hurts people.
As children of God we want to remember that every person is made in his image and everyone is worthy of the utmost respect.
If all of our decisions were made with a desire to protect and honour everyone involved (including ourselves), we would be making good decisions, regardless of any rules.
Imagine a world where we all did so and sex was no longer risky at all.
Kara Greening trained in biology, works in chemistry and wonders about the physics of the TARDIS. She is passionate about exploring her faith. She lives with her husband, a primary school teacher. They have two cats: a senior cat named Sampson and a recently acquired kitten that is currently nameless. No-name just jumped feet first into Kara's mug of coffee and spilt it over the laptop.
Kara Greening's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/kara-greening.html