A couple of years ago I wrote an article about the phrase women utter a dozen times a day.
It was about the way females use language differently to males, and often unhelpfully so.
I'd read up about how women often used the 'I just feel like...' precursor to soften their opinions, no matter how well thought-out they were.
The thing about this use of language is that it actually reveals something deeper.
My dad has long observed my overuse of the upward inflexion. I remember a boy I liked once telling me my language was 'tentative'.
On a first date, a boy pointed out I had 'soft language'. I considered this a positive: I am diplomatic, sensitive, a peacemaker.
Working at a newspaper last year, my editor told me a story of when she first realised she didn't need to be liked.
I knew she was speaking directly to me through the story, observing a flaw in me that might have once been core to her – a disproportionate desire for approval.
This desire feeds into a lot of things. For me, it has resulted in unrelenting striving, never quite fully stating my opinion, shaping my thoughts to how I feel people will receive them, a strong desire for feedback.
It has led me to place culturally-based judgements on myself that don't allow much wiggle room to live out of what I truly desire.
I remember the words of C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters. The older demon instructs the younger demon to lead his patient by a spirit of confusion, by fog.
He says the Enemy, that is God, leads his people by their desires and affections.
Intuition
My intuition says that if we know we are loved, we can stand up straight, back ourselves and be confident in what we're saying.
Feminists like Cheryl Sandberg talk about the fact women often look for a platform or an invitation before they speak up. Those two things can represent a type of approval.
I imagine living indifferent to the approval of others, drawing instead from the desires God placed deep within me, living out of a dialogue with him about those things, and resting in the knowledge he loves me.
Of course I will be wrong. I will make mistakes. But I think he calls us to live from a place of desire and deep communion.
I believe that living out of that place would give me a new lease on life, and, more linguistic freedom.
Emma Froggatt has kept a number of blogs for a number of years, and is learning to put her name to what she writes.
Emma Froggatt's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/emma-froggart.html