‘...my pain had made me cynical. I loved my God but I was wary of His bride. My faith had spent its youngest and most vulnerable years growing alone.’
These are the words of Kaitlyn Scheiss in her blog post When Your Church Doesn’t Feel like Home. What Kaitlyn expressed, I’m sure, articulates the thoughts and feelings of many around the world who have felt completely disconnected and even rejected by the very people who were supposed to be like family.
Mirror, mirror on the wall
For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. James chapter 1 verses 23-25
The scripture is very clear about the Word of God being like a mirror in our lives, allowing us to see a clear reflection of ourselves, approve or disapprove and make changes where necessary. What too many of us do within the Church is that when someone approaches us, we figuratively hold up a mirror in front of ourselves, facing said person. Essentially the message we are sending is “Let me use this opportunity to show you all the faults and flaws you have whilst obscuring myself from you. My hands are too full with this mirror so I can’t even offer you a hug in your time of need much less assistance. Yes you’re desperate and lonely but I’m going to need you to fix your ‘lipstick’ and wipe the snot from your face before I can even address you”
It sounds harsh but unfortunately that is the reality for so many who have grown up in the church or have shown up at church later in life. Their expectations have been to be received into a loving community that would be a safe space for them to be vulnerable, battle long standing issues, have accountability and support in overcoming old but still present bad habits. Instead what many have experienced is that whilst they are still proverbially bruised and bleeding from the hand they’ve been dealt with, they’ve been asked to stop blocking the doorway, enter through the back servant’s entrance and are served last and the least at the buffet table.
Where is the love?
Serenity
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.
This is an excerpt taken from what is commonly known as the Serenity Prayer attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr. This prayer came into circulation in the early 1900s and has been adopted by the organisation known as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) for their closing recitation at the end of their meetings.
Do you know how AA meetings begin?
“Hi I’m __________ and I’m an alcoholic”
“Hi _____________”
An AA meeting for attendees is a safe space where everyone is aware of their own vulnerability to the temptations and the community goal is to love, support and give accountability to all other members.
Imagine if all persons attended church meetings and gatherings with that same level of self awareness and intentional support.
“Hi, I’m ______________ and I’m a sinner”
“Hi________________”
I’m not a sinner though
Indeed, there is not a righteous man on earth who continually does good and who never sins. Ecclesiastes chapter 7 verse 20
Some people reading this may be wanting to give me side eyes right now. Why on earth would we be introducing ourselves in that manner?
Well just as the verse above has stated, none of us are capable of continually doing good. Too many of us are walking around saying we represent Christ and are surrendered to the Holy Spirit yet exist behind masks fashioned to blend in with the whims and fancies of those around us and never truly open up to anyone about the deep dark struggles we may be facing.
If our church gatherings functioned more like an AA meeting then not only newcomers but persons who have been saved for decades would feel comfortable opening up and saying ‘I’m struggling and I need help’. We wouldn’t be afraid of being beaten, ostracised, exiled and blacklisted (sadly this has happened to too many persons) but as timid as we may feel we would know that we would be receiving the love, support and accountability necessary to stay on the right path.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God Ephesians chapter 2 verse 8
Knowing that for all Christians the above verse is a fact of life, how dare any of us sneer at, roll our eyes towards or turn away from any individual within the body of Christ who has the courage enough to say ‘I’m struggling, please help me’?
Danelle M. Pinnock first emerged as a writer when she began chronicling her journey with God, through a debilitating sickness. Her authentic reflections provided encouragement to many and resulted in her first publication “31 Day Devotional- Quiet Time.”
This full time homemaker, a proud Jamaican, lives in Kingston with her husband Raul and their two children Levi and Zhuri. Along with her freelance writing, she is a worship leader at her church where her husband, a cancer survivor, serves as a deacon.
Follow her on Instagram @danellewritesstuff to learn how God guides a woman with a background in Chemistry, Business Management and Public Health to skillfully pen His methods and His ways through sickness, marriage and parenting.